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How Do We Handle Anger and Come Out Better, Not Bitter?

Updated: Jan 5, 2023

Have you ever said, “I wish I hadn’t said that...” or thought “where did that come from?” as you heard yourself speaking.

It’s a battle we all face, and it begins deep within our heart wounds. It can be filled with unresolved conflicts, remembrances of sustained repeated offenses against you, or just deep, deep sorrows from a past hurt you don’t want to even look at…

So, let’s look at some practical steps to unpack our heart. That will help us move forward in way that heals our heart wounds and releases us from the prison of bitterness and drives toward wholeness!

Step 1

Tell yourself the truth about the event and ask yourself the following questions.

What am I wanting that I am not getting?

What am I getting that I am not wanting?


I really want my family to love me and accept me.

My family is always accusing me of doing something wrong.

Step 2

Tell yourself the truth about the facts (Eph 4:15,25, PS 51:6).


My family does express love and acceptance sometimes, like when they ask how I’m doing, and they hang out with me even when it’s not convenient for them.

But I don’t like it when they don’t agree with me and judge me. I feel rejected not accepted. Just like I did when I was trying to hang out with my friends and then they ignored me. (a perceived wrong compounded by undealt with past wounds).

Step 3

How does this look Biblically?

Our heart has desires, motives, and intentions and if we don’t lead our heart with Biblical Truth we will be pulled along by our heart with false beliefs (Col 3:1-17, Gal 5:13-26).

Step 4

Identify the heart need: acceptance and unconditional love

Step 5

Talk to GOD: let HIM have your heart wounds and meet your heart needs

LORD, I feel hurt (tearfully) and alone right now, but I know your Word says I am never alone with YOU “I will never leave you or forsake you” (Heb 13:5). YOU also said YOUR love for me is forever and unfailing (Jere 31:3). Help me right now not to hold onto the hurt but let it go to YOU and forgive them. Please forgive me for wanting to hurt them back.

Step 6

Choose to Put off anger and Put on: gentleness, patience, and humility (Prov 16:32, James 1:19-20, Col 3, Eph 4:25-32)

Step 7

See this as Opportunity: practice G-S-G (glorify GOD- Serve others- Grow in Christlikeness).

Step 8

Be self-aware:

G: Be mindful of your thoughts. Do my thoughts line up with TRUTH? (Glorify GOD, 1 Cor 10:31, Philp 4:8)

S: What is the right goal, serving myself or others? (Serve Others, Philp 2:1-11)

G: How can I be patient and think of others before myself? (Grow in Christlikeness, 2 Pet 1:3-11, Rom 12:21)

Let’s Pray,

Dear LORD,

I need YOU right now to help me see YOUR purpose in this storm. Help me to understand my heart needs and give them to YOU not another person or false belief. Help me to trust YOU and choose to love others even when it hurts. Fill me with YOUR love and help me not to be angry but to love others as YOU love me, for YOUR glory, and their good!

In JESUS name Amen!


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